Roswell NM


Roswell reminds me a lot of my hometown in that if you want anything to do after 9pm then your only choice is Walmart or having outside a gas station. Knowing this my first night I planned an entire day of doing everything worth doing and come to find out… many that weren’t worth doing.

Here is a list of the things I wanted to do in Roswell.


6AM- Roswell Welcome Sign: I wanted to get up early to make sure I didn’t have to wait in line to take the most sought after touristy photo. Turns out I didn’t have to do that. (I woke at 730 thanks to a gummy I ate the night before.)

Roswell may be for tourist but most of them aren’t here right now.

9AM Roswell Welcome Center: What a mistake this was. There really isn’t anything there except a guest sign in book and a couple of employees who offer to take your picture with a couple of aliens. I declined but they all look like this:

Not my Photo but you can see why I declined. I probably should have but I had a guestbook to sign. I’m very busy.

The staff was very helpful and took out a map to show me everything that is on Main Street. “Alien shit that way, bottomless lake that-a way”

International UFO and Research Center

These guys shake you down for $5 right out to gate. Then you go inside the museum and make your way around a bunch of alien dummies. Some cool stuff there like the project

Project Mogul Dummy 

mogul dummy.

I think I paid around a dollar per minute I spent in here. I bought a bumper sticker in the gift shop and a couple postcards.’


Project Mogul Wiki


Anderson Museum of Contemporary Art

When I arrived I wasn’t even sure it was open. There was one car in the parking lot. Iventure inside and I am greeted by a very nice lady who gives me the run down of the exhibits. One cool thing about this place is that the funds (Donations) go to pay for room and board for their artist for the year they are on display. They are able to work solely on their artwork and have a beautiful place to showcase it. 

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This is me with cloth spaghetti

Pecos Winery

I didn’t stick around for the taste testing. I was craving a beer but I still wanted to drop in and get some Alien themed wine for my girlfriend’s parents.

Here is the wine:


Bottomless Lake State Park

This place is super beautiful just look at these photos! Well worth going for a few hours!


Thrift Stores

I also hit up a couple antique stores and Goodwill. I found this woman’s pajama top that I just had to have.

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Soul For Sale *Cheap


I recently went on an afternoon excursion to mystic shops in Burbank, California looking for information on how my friend (Steve, he’s fat) could sell his soul to the devil for fame and fortune.

We visited several mystical shops filled with crystals, cat skulls and haunted artifacts. We talked to a handful out of shape men with chain wallets and neck tattoos. We were pointed in every direction to purchase goods.

One thing about these “Mystic Men” was were very knowledgeable about shoveling out bullshit. Each one of the explained that selling your soul is a metaphor that old jazz musicians sang about to describe the complete dedication to a craft. Which makes since considering the lore of Robert Johnson, who didn’t really sell his soul to the devil but took off on the road for six months and performed every night. When he got back his skills had doubled (I don’t know about doubled but he was way better) , making people believe he sold his soul to the devil in order to play the guitar.

While this is equally a good story to hear, we were there to meet the devil and sell him a slightly used soul on the cheap.  If these tattooed up, bullshit artists didn’t know where to find him, then we were in the wrong place.

We went to several other Mystic shops which tried to sell us tarot cards and witchcraft classes for 90 bucks an hour. Being we were the ones selling and not buying we went about our way, dejected and slightly annoyed there wasn’t some kind of secret book with soul selling instructions written in red ink.

Then I remembered that I follow a witch on Instagram and had even been to her house once, so I know she was the real deal.

This is how I know her…my friend once had sex with in the middle of a pentagram surrounded by candles and their own blood. (Might sound sexy to some but the thought of this particular friend doing this makes me laugh to this day)

I sent her a quick message and as it turns out she knows the devil and has all the paperwork needed to make such a transaction.  I put my friend in contact with her, so we will know in two years if he was successful in selling his soul.