Soul For Sale *Cheap

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I recently went on an afternoon excursion to mystic shops in Burbank, California looking for information on how my friend (Steve, he’s fat) could sell his soul to the devil for fame and fortune.

We visited several mystical shops filled with crystals, cat skulls and haunted artifacts. We talked to a handful out of shape men with chain wallets and neck tattoos. We were pointed in every direction to purchase goods.

One thing about these “Mystic Men” was were very knowledgeable about shoveling out bullshit. Each one of the explained that selling your soul is a metaphor that old jazz musicians sang about to describe the complete dedication to a craft. Which makes since considering the lore of Robert Johnson, who didn’t really sell his soul to the devil but took off on the road for six months and performed every night. When he got back his skills had doubled (I don’t know about doubled but he was way better) , making people believe he sold his soul to the devil in order to play the guitar.

While this is equally a good story to hear, we were there to meet the devil and sell him a slightly used soul on the cheap.  If these tattooed up, bullshit artists didn’t know where to find him, then we were in the wrong place.

We went to several other Mystic shops which tried to sell us tarot cards and witchcraft classes for 90 bucks an hour. Being we were the ones selling and not buying we went about our way, dejected and slightly annoyed there wasn’t some kind of secret book with soul selling instructions written in red ink.

Then I remembered that I follow a witch on Instagram and had even been to her house once, so I know she was the real deal.

This is how I know her…my friend once had sex with in the middle of a pentagram surrounded by candles and their own blood. (Might sound sexy to some but the thought of this particular friend doing this makes me laugh to this day)

I sent her a quick message and as it turns out she knows the devil and has all the paperwork needed to make such a transaction.  I put my friend in contact with her, so we will know in two years if he was successful in selling his soul.